Things Are Just Getting Started

February 23rd, 2020

I thought I’d achieved most of my goals as soon as I’d gotten into some of my top colleges. After all, getting into a good university was my main goal throughout middle and high school. “What more did I need?”, I thought. My brain defaulted to believing that college would set me up for success from this point forward. I’d take some classes, party with my friends during the weekends, explore Austin, and get that wholesome college experience that everyone talks about. It was a great deal. I’d then probably get a job and start working to move up the corporate ladder. It was the dream, right? All the hard work had led up to this moment. I had achieved it all. Senior year of high school left me in a limbo. What more was there left to do?

Looking back on that thought process, I have to say, I was an idiot. The truth is, college was really just the start of my life. For the first time, I’d be thrown into a bigger environment, faced with numerous challenges and surrounded by people who were much more accomplished than me. I’m not in a state to really reflect on everything since there is many more things that I need to accomplish. However, my mindset was most definitely wrong at the end of high school. I had not achieved what I wanted, and I was most certainly not “done”. This was really just the beginning. I needed to explore and figure out what exactly I wanted to do.

This year (junior year) is finally when a few things started clicking. I finally kind of figured out what kind of work I enjoy and I’ve taken the time to explore these fields thoroughly. Hanna advised me to give research a proper shot before writing it off. That’s exactly what I’ve done. Over the past semester and half, I’ve committed way more time to working on various research questions and finding purpose in the things that I do. I think that’s been the most important thing. Purpose. Over the past two years I’ve felt lost and confused since I didn’t know what I was doing. Sure, I was taking some classes, learning a few things. However, I never really reflected on whether or not I enjoyed these things/wanted to do this forever.

The point that I’m trying to make is that there is never a clear finishing line to anything that we really do. We have to keep life going day by day. It’s not like one day I’ll feel like, “Ah I’ve finally made X amount of dollars. I can now not do anything for the rest of my life.” Sure, I could. But I’m pretty sure I’d be wasting to rest of my life now that I have secured financial stability. It’s an important goal but it’s crucial to have a greater purpose. Finding that greater purpose is hard, but I think a good guideline is at least our family. We have to live and keep going for the people around us. We have to try and do our best to make a dent in the world, because even if we don’t, we will at least inspire those of us around us.

There’s a very beautiful quote from Matthew McConaughey that I’ve written down to help me remind myself of who I need to be chasing.

And to my hero. That’s who I chase. When I was 15 years old I had a very important person in my life come and ask me ‘Who’s your hero?’ I said, ‘I thought about it and it’s me in ten years. So I turned 25 ten years later and that same person comes to me and goes, ‘Are you a hero?’ I said, ‘Not even close!’ She said why and I said, ‘My hero is me at 35.’ You see, every day, and every week, and every month, and every year of my life, my hero is always ten years away. I’m never going to be my hero. I’m not going to obtain that and that’s fine with me because it keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing.

The grind never really ends, but maybe instead of perceiving this as a grind, it might be important to restructure our views to take the process of life as a gift. What is my higher purpose in life? I’m not quite sure but here are things that I do know: I love learning things, I love hanging out with my friends and family, I love having new experiences with the people I care about, I love food, I love diving deep into CS and discussing ideas, and I love sports. Every day is an improvement and opportunity. I hope I don’t take this for granted.